Bullying. No Way!

Recently we have seen on the television, read in the press, or heard about cases of bullying at schools or in the workplace. I would like to take this opportunity to provide some information about this issue and offer some strategies for dealing with victims and perpetrators.

What is bullying?

Bullying is when someone, or a group of people, upset or create a risk to another person's health and safety (either psychologically or physically) or their property, reputation, or social acceptance, on more than one occasion.

Types of bullying

There are three broad categories of bullying:

• Direct physical bullying (e.g. hitting, tripping, and pushing or damaging their property).

• Direct verbal bullying (e.g. name calling, insults, homophobic or racist remarks, verbal abuse).

• Indirect bullying This form of bullying is harder to recognise and is often carried out behind the bullied student's back. It is designed to harm someone's social reputation and/or cause humiliation.

Indirect bullying includes:

• • lying and spreading rumours
  • playing nasty jokes to embarrass and humiliate
  • mimicking
  • encouraging others to socially exclude someone
  • damaging someone's social reputation and social acceptance
  • cyber-bullying (which involves the use of email, text messages or chat rooms to humiliate and distress).

What bullying is not

Many distressing behaviours are not examples of bullying, even though they are unpleasant and often require teacher intervention and management.

There are three socially unpleasant situations that are often confused with bullying:

• Mutual conflict
  In mutual conflict situations, there is an argument or disagreement between students but not an imbalance of power. Both parties are upset, and usually both want a resolution to the problem. However, unresolved mutual conflict sometimes develops into a bullying situation, with one person becoming targeted repeatedly for 'retaliation' in a one-sided way.

• Social rejection or dislike
  Unless the social rejection is directed towards someone specific, and involves deliberate and repeated attempts to cause distress, exclude, or create dislike by others, it is not bullying.

• Single-episode acts of nastiness or meanness, or random acts of aggression or intimidation
  Single episodes of nastiness or physical aggression are not the same as bullying. If a student is verbally abused or pushed on one occasion they are not being bullied. Nastiness or physical aggression that is directed towards many different students is not the same as bullying. However, since the school has a duty of care to provide a student with a safe and supportive school environment, single episodes of nastiness or physical aggression should not be ignored or condoned.

How do I know if my child is being bullied?

Some of the signs that a child is being bullied include:

• • an unwillingness or refusal to go to school
  • feeling ill in the mornings
  • wagging school
  • doing poorly in their school work
  • becoming withdrawn, starting to stammer, lacking confidence
  • crying themselves to sleep, having nightmares
  • asking for money or starting to steal (to pay the bully)
  • refusing to talk about what's wrong
  • having unexplained bruises, cuts, scratches
  • beginning to bully other children or siblings
  • becoming aggressive and unreasonable

(Adapted from Kidscape, available at www.kidscape.org.uk/parents/signsof.shtml)

What can I do if my child is being bullied?

• Step 1: Listen carefully to your child and show concern and support.

• Step 2: Give sensible advice - don't encourage your child to fight back; this will most likely increase the bullying.

• Step 3: Assist your child to develop positive strategies including:

• • saying "leave me alone" and calmly walking away
  • avoiding situations that might expose them to further bullying
  • making new friends

• Step 4: Ask your child the following questions to understand if there is a repeated pattern:

• • What, where and when did the incident happen?
  • Who was involved on each occasion?
  • Did anybody else see it and, if so, who?
  • What solutions have been tried so far?
  • The names of any teachers who are aware of the problem.

• Step 5: Work with the school to solve the problem. The Scots School Albury takes its responsibilities in relation to bullying behaviour very seriously. We have more success when parents work with the school to solve the bullying problem. Remember, if you were not aware that your child was being bullied, then perhaps your child's teachers did not know about it either.

You should:

• • Make an appointment with your child's teacher or Year Co-ordinator.
  • At the meeting try to stay calm, and present information in a way that makes it clear that you and the school should be working as partners in trying to fix this problem.

The school will need time to investigate and to talk to teachers and, perhaps, other students.

• Step 6: You can make a follow-up call to see what has been done, or alternatively ask the school when you can expect them to get back to you.

• Step 7: Work with the school to establish a plan for dealing with the current situation and future bullying incidents. Before you leave, ask for clarification about the next steps in the plan.

• Step 8: If needed, ask for the school counsellor to become involved.

• Step 9: Encourage your child to report any further bullying incidents to a teacher they trust at the school immediately.

What I should NOT do if my child is being bullied?

• Do not directly approach any other student who you believe may have been involved in bullying your child.
• Do not try to sort the issues out with their parents. This usually doesn't work and makes the situation much worse.

What if my child is bullying others?

• Respond calmly and non-defensively, and commit to working with the school to manage the problem in a helpful manner.
• See the situation as an opportunity for your child to learn important developmental lessons.
• The school uses a Restorative Justice procedure, which includes a reflective process and counselling to help the bully to understand how their actions have affected others.

What I should NOT do if my child is bullying others?

• Do not directly approach the bullied student or their family, or try to get other parents to take your child's side.

What I can do to reduce bullying at school?

• Report all incidents of bullying to the school (not just incidents that happen to your own child).
• Let your child know how much you disapprove of bullying and why.
• Any type of bullying at home should be avoided, and respect for others should be modelled and encouraged.
• Talk to your child about the qualities associated with caring friendships, and discourage them from staying in 'friendships' where they are mistreated or not respected.

Useful websites:

• Safe Schools are Effective Schools www.sofweb.vic.edu.au/wellbeing/safeschools/bullying/index.htm
• Student Code of Conduct www.sofweb.vic.edu.au/wellbeing/welfare/conduct.htm
• Bullying. No Way! www.bullyingnoway.com.au

Scots students can also send a confidential email to assist@scotsalbury.nsw.edu.au

Mr Scott Young
Acting Principal